Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
