didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
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I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
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They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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