People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
