yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
