so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
