Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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