Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
