you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
