Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
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She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
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Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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