$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
