what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
