why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
