Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
