i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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