I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
