fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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