he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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