Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
