Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
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