yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
