I wanna bring you to show and tell
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
