at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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