I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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