i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
