Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize
