I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
