WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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