I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
