you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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