shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
The struggles of a small town man whore
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
