Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
