oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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