She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
