Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
