Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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