Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
