He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
