The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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