only you would photoshop your dick
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm bleeding and have questions
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
