Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
