I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize