she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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