i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
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this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
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I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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