Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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