I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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