yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
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