his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
