he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
