Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
