woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
