I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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