im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
