I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
