Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
