i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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