The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I just found a bag of teeth...
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
try to milk me bitch
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