Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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