You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
