All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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