u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
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