Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
