A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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