I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
