Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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