I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Randomize
