my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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