They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
