i wish there were pregnant emoticons
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
