I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
