Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
