First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
