I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
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Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
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Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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