she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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