I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
His nipple licking is glorious
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