my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
